Mother Nature’s Sense of Humor and My Impending Motherhood.

Before I proceed, having a child was never going to be an accidental occurrence for us. We plan for things way too thoroughly to allow for life to give us any true surprises. By now most of our married friends have children, some have multiples, few of their kids are old enough to go to school and string together meaningful sentences. We, on the other hand, have a dog, and we have a cat. And it’s been like this for a while now. But when we get comfortable we begin to rethink our lives and figure out a way to shift the balance. You know… change things up a bit. And so last spring we started to say the “B” word. Yes, Baby. As in Baby Ramseyer. And so these discussions, nay debates, lasted for months. “Can we afford a child?” “What will we do about your death mobile truck, Adam?” “Will we ever go out once we have a child?” “Will we ever go on a vacation once this Blessed Being joins our lives?” With time our hearts warmed to the idea and we thought, “now is a good a time as any.”

Let me preface this with a quick reminder that I am an only child, and my expectations are such that results need to be instant. “Because I want one now!” (insert stomping feet.) As far I as I was concerned, we would have a summer baby in 2011. So we better get results by early fall. No pressure, none whatsoever.

One month went by. Nothing. “No problem, we’re just getting warmed up.”

Two months went by. Nothing. “Okay okay this isn’t as easy.”

Three months went by. Nothing. “Okay where can I buy those ovulation pee sticks? It will give me something to do.”

Four months went by. Nothing. “Merry ugh. Christmas. What is wrong with us?! Are we barren? Does Mother Nature think I will be incapable of being a loving mother? Will I?! Will I?!!?!?!”

January rolls around and my patience snaps. “I’m done with this,” I state. “I am done trying. Why are we rushing clearly this isn’t the right time. Let’s pick things back up in the summer, maybe a 2012 baby is the right thing.” This changed to, “Why are we thinking about this?! Let’s plan a trip to the Netherlands this year!” (Don’t laugh I actually proposed this.) We then downgraded it to planning for a vacation to Seattle – closer and our passports expired four years ago. Busy planning, no time for kids. Busy busy busy!

January also brought on Quarterlies, which equate to long hours at work, working weekends and hardly seeing my better half for at least two or three weeks. January was also the month we partied hard. We went out, we stayed out late. I was embracing my youth, which I almost allowed to slip away by getting pregnant. Go to a concert, stand close to a speaker? Sure, why not.

February slid in on January’s icy heels and things began to feel “off”. We went to a family dinner party, I barely ate, I didn’t feel right. Went to a Super Bowl Party, had a half a glass of wine, felt “off” again, there’s that word, “off”. When you aren’t feeling like yourself and can’t figure out why. I waited a week before I would investigate my physical state. Because I can’t be pregnant.

Cue Friday morning at 6:00 a.m.

Bleary-eyed I stumble into the bathroom. I grab the sacred pregnancy pee stick. I had prepared myself for inconclusive.  I had prepared myself for no, since that has been the result for the past five months. I had not, however prepared myself for a distinct, unmistakable YES. There it was staring at me. Two DISTINCT blue lines. “How in the hell?!” I barely saw him last month! Oh God, I’m pregnant?!

Proceed with the telling of the spouse:

ME: Adam, Adam, wake up I need your expert eyes.

Adam: If you are about to ask me about an opinion over a piece of jewelry, don’t bother.

ME: No, I need you to look at something.

Adam: Why? I am trying to sleep.

ME: (click on the lamp which results in Adam turning away.) Look at this.

Adam: Look at what? (cracks open one obliging eyeball and looks at the magical pee stick.) Oh, OH. Wait, wait a minute, does that mean? Wait, so you’re pregnant? Is that what this means?! (squinting at pee stick, the lines don’t lie.)

ME: I think so. I think I need more tests. And we need a second opinion.

Later that night, Adam came home proudly showing me a box of three tests. I proceeded to test all of them over the course of Saturday morning, Sunday night and Monday morning. Double blue lines each time. Tuesday we went to see my doctor, where the nurse practitioner cheerfully responded with, “Well now you officially know, what you’ve already known for a while. Congratulations. Would you like to keep the test for your scrapbook?” “Um, no, no thank you, we have a few others like it at home.”

So there you have it. We planned and yet we were still SHOCKED. We are expecting a baby Ramseyer on October 14th, 2011. Since then I have gone in and had an ultrasound that confirmed that I am not under any circumstances carrying twins. Which is good, I know Mother Nature has a sense of humor and still rendered us shocked, but she isn’t stupid. Two babies for Caroline would spell disaster… twice.