The World is Your Oyster, Unless You are a Tall Girl

This must be my rant week, as this is ranty post #2. Bear with me.

Heads are optional.

Heads are optional.

Allow me to preface: 85% of the time I LOVE being tall. I truly love it. I can see above many in busy restaurants. I can keep staplers away from co-workers merely by keeping them out of arms’ reach. I don’t need a ladder most of the time. I can walk the dog at  4 mph without breaking into a jog. This part of being tall rocks. But there are challenges, because you see the world is your oyster, unless you are a tall girl.

Fashion plight.

Pants: In the early 90s I was 5’9″. I was also 13. Plus clothiers didn’t make “tall girl” pants back then. So all of my jeans ended at the ankle or above, before it was cool to end your pants above the ankle. And no, black socks do not create the illusion of longer pant leg. The create the affirmation that your pant leg is too short.

Shirts/sleeves: To this day they are still the bane of my existence. I love sleeves just as much as the next person, but most of the time I find myself pulling on them like a nervous school girl or rolling them up as if I love 3/4-length sleeves, ALL THE TIME. Which are fine for three out of four seasons. I don’t like that my wrists must be cold all winter. Not good. Now shirt length and layering becomes key for any tall girl. Thank God tunics are still in style and I avoid crop tops like the plague. You do not need to see my stomach, you also don’t need to see my ribcage. There is no reason this part of my body belongs at work. So I either pull the shirts down beyond reason or rock the tank top under everything. Please don’t take away the layered look, things will get really awkward really fast.

Maxi dresses.They have never, nor will they ever reach the floor. They are ankle dresses on us.

Skirts. Instantly way above the knee and slutty when meant to linger just under the knee. Professional slutty, anyone?

You get the point, cute clothes aren’t meant for the tall. Tall person clothes are only meant to cover the parts that would offend in public. Fashion is optional.

Sports.

Propensity to do so. Unless crafting or painting is a sport, I am not a sports person. My height does not increase my ability to play any sports requiring height and coordination. You should have both, just having height will not guarantee awesomeness. So stop asking. I don’t ask if you play mini golf simply because you are short.

Exercise.

Armless workouts are AWESOME. We have an XBOX, which is excellent for workouts. We also have a narrow living room which is not excellent for workouts.When I stand at the widest part of my living room to do my workout the body scanner stops at my head. So my head movements and arm movements don’t count. EVER. Been rockin’ 85% accuracy for months.

General public awkwardness.

Feeling “off” most of the time. I LOVE hanging out with my girlie friends. Especially when we are sitting down, because we can see eye to eye and I feel connected to those around me. The moment we stand up, I am alone, I am alone high above my group, I can see for miles around me, but everyone I am with is now out of my own ear shot. I look down but I can barely make out their facial features. So alone. And when it rains, yes you get umbrella in the eye and you do a weird half fold to accommodate the situation. No you are now not graceful but moving like a beaten crane who is still getting wet.

Not a ladder/ not a forklift.

I do not work here. Please don’t employ my services to reach a can, put something back, or pull down a shirt. I am shopping like you and I am likely to be in a hurry. No, I am not being unkind, I am being a person who has other things to do. Forgive me or don’t I am not likely to hear from up here anyway.

Tall comments.

I love those. Yes, I am an amazon, I must be you just made light of it. Yes, the air really is thin up here. Yep, I will definitely let you know when it starts raining so you can scramble and prepare. Why, yes, I do smack my forehead on doorways ALL THE TIME, how did you know? That is my CIVIC, and when I fold down to 1/4 my original size I too can fit into it just like you.

Perhaps you feel I am overly sensitive, that’s okay. If I was average height I would think I’m being overly sensitive as well.

Advertisements